What We Now Understand About Neurodivergent Children

Looking Back: Supporting Autistic Children

Mindful autism learning and research – Back in 2012, I watched a fascinating programme about how children’s brains develop and the possible links with autism. The programme discussed sensory overload and differences in perception.  All of this resonated strongly with observations I had been making  while working with, and learning from, neurodivergent children who I was teaching mindful skills to.

Back then, many of these ideas were only just beginning to enter mainstream discussion. Today, more than 2 decades later, research into neurodivergence has confirmed what many parents, teachers and practitioners had begun to notice happening in real life.

Now our understanding about sensory processing differences, emotional regulation, and the unique ways neurodivergent children experience and interpret the world is deeper. What once seemed puzzling behaviour is increasingly recognised as a difference in neurological processing rather than something that needs to be fixed.

Looking back, it’s encouraging to see that some of the simple observations I made years ago are now supported by neuroscience and developmental research.

The Kite Metaphor

During the TV program I mentioned, there was a moment that offered me a powerful insight.

A mother and her autistic son were flying a kite. For them, this somewhat simple activity had powerful significance for them both.  For me, it was the symbolism of the kite that struck me most as I imagined life as a neurodivergent child, living in this world might feel like ‘being’ the kite.

Let me explain.

They are connected to the earth — to their parents, their families and the world — by a (genetic) string. But that connection can initially feel fragile. Their view of the world offers powerful, different perspectives, as if they are seeing it from a higher perspective. Meanwhile, those of us on the ground are trying to understand that perspective while standing firmly in our own.

The child experiences the world through different sensory filters. Sounds, lights, touch, emotions and communication may all feel different, and overwhelming. From the ground we may struggle to understand why they respond in the ways they do as we aren’t affected in this way and psychologically and physiologically we feel grounded. We feel safe.

And equally, because of this different perspective and the tenous, fragile connection, they may struggle to interpret the world ‘below’ — our social cues, emotional signals and expectations.

Who Holds the String?

Taking this metaphor further, the development of that kite depends greatly on who is holding the string.

Sometimes adults try to control the kite too tightly. Yet force rarely succeeds. Pulling too hard (heavy discipline) can weaken the connection rather than strengthen it.

Flying a kite requires something more subtle: sensitivity and an awareness of the surrounding environment and the impact on the kite. The person holding the string (the parent) has to feel the small shifts and movements travelling down the line. They respond gently, adjusting tension, guiding rather than forcing.

Supporting neurodivergent children might feel very similar.

It requires tuning in — noticing small signals, understanding sensory needs, and responding with patience and curiosity rather than control. Over time we learn to work with the child’s movement rather than against it.

The goal is not to pull the kite down abruptly into ‘this world’, but to help guide its journey safely within the shared space between sky and earth – mindful life skills to help them regulate who they are without living with high levels of anxiety and stress.

What We Know Now – mindful autism, learning and research

Since my original post in 2012, our understanding of neurodiversity has grown enormously.

We now recognise that:

• sensory processing differences are central to many autistic experiences

• emotional regulation is closely linked to neurological development

• behaviour is often a form of communication rather than defiance

• supporting the nervous system to self regulate is important

We also talk much more about neurodiversity — the idea that brains develop in different ways, and that these differences are part of the natural variation of human development.

What many families instinctively knew years ago is now supported by research: when we create environments that reduce sensory overload, build emotional safety, and support regulation, children can thrive.

Mindfulness and Connection

In the original post I wondered whether mindfulness and meditation might help children — and the adults around them — become more attuned to this process.

20 years later, I know that it does.

When adults develop the skills to self-care, building calm energy into their awareness and connection, they become more skilled at noticing those subtle signals travelling down the connection (string) to, and from, their children. Society knows the importance of paying attention to our own mental and emotional states, knowing that we are the co-regulators to help our children regulate.

Supporting neurodivergent children is not about forcing them to fit a rigid mould. It’s about building connection, understanding perspective, and learning how to guide — and sometimes simply accompany — their journey.

Like flying a kite, it is a relationship of movement, sensitivity and trust.

And when that connection is strong, the kite can fly with more ease and grace.

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Post written by Author and Founder, Lorraine E Murray – original 2012 and updated 2026